


bindings and blood

by whimsicalMedley



Series: Trans Will [1]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Southern Will Solace, Trans Male Character, Trans Will Solace, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 15:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10767468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalMedley/pseuds/whimsicalMedley
Summary: Getting his period was bad enough. Being told he was disgusting was worse. The worst part, however? The memories.





	bindings and blood

**Author's Note:**

> "Hey Ben how do you deal with dysphoria?" well my friend, i Project™️ with the longest oneshot i've ever written.
> 
> but seriously, my trans ass was feeling very dysphoric, so this happened. there ARE panic attacks, along with some blatant transphobia and bad parenting. stay safe.
> 
> anyway, please enjoy!

Will Solace woke up in a pool of his own blood and the feeling of sharp pain in his abdomen.

Normally, that would be a reason to panic. Demigods are, after all, always getting hurt. However, Will was pretty sure he'd rather of been actually stabbed than this.

_Guess I got my period._

Will sighed, carefully bundling up his bedsheets and throwing them in the hamper. Grabbing his binder, he turned in the mirror to look at the damage.

_Well, these shorts are ruined._

Clenching his teeth, the son of Apollo briskly walked into the bathroom to change and clean up. He _hated_ this time of month. The cramps were bad, he was bloated, and…the dysphoria. The dysphoria always kicked his ass. The parts of him that said he was a freak, a girl trying to be something she wasn't, they were always harder to ignore when he got his period. Of course, logically, he knew it wasn't true. But still.

_It still stings._

After cleaning up, Will looked at himself in the mirror. His features were too soft, his cheeks too chubby. His breasts weren't small, which didn't help. His body was too soft, too curvy. It screamed feminine, and Will always wanted to punch the mirror when he looked too long.

“I guess it's gonna be one of those days.” He sighed, wincing at how high his voice was. Pulling his binder on and changing into his usual shorts and camp t-shirt, Will quickly walked out of the bathroom. He didn't want to look at himself longer than he had to.

* * *

 Will’s siblings seemed to know what was going on. As soon as Will got out of the bathroom, he was nearly knocked over by his little sister. Kayla was clinging to him tightly, and Austin had a hand on his shoulder. The rest of the Apollo cabin was looking towards Will, smiles and a bit of concern etched on their features.

“Anything we can do?” Kayla asked, her voice muffled from Will’s shirt.

Will smiled, a tiny laugh escaping him. This was why he loved his siblings. They always knew how to make him smile.

“Aspirin?” Will asked, and Austin automatically handed him two tablets and a bottle of water. At Will’s incredulous look, Austin laughed.

“You _always_ ask for aspirin.” He said, and Will snorted.

“Well period cramps aren't exactly a walk in the park.” The mood in the cabin sombered, and they looked at Will worriedly. With a sigh, he said, “you can say period, y’know. I can handle it.”

His siblings nodded, and started getting ready for the day. Marissa and Lily began to bicker over who could use the bathroom first, Mason turned on the radio, and Stephie started to sing a duet with Natasha. Will always wondered how they knew what he needed.

A knock on the door made everyone pause, but Will hastily made his way to the door. Sly smiles and snickers followed him, and the fifteen year old hoped he wasn't blushing as he opened the door, revealing Nico di Angelo, who was fiddling with his skull ring.

“Hey nerd.” Nico said, and Will rolled his eyes.

“Hey yourself, jerk.” Will retorted, and Nico smiled. Will knew he was blushing now.

If Will was being completely honest with himself, he'd had a crush on Nico since he met him. Which was, unfortunately, when he was eleven. He didn't know how he developed feelings for a boy he'd talked to about three times, but he did. There was something about him that made Will feel warm, scared, and incredibly happy all at once. There was one problem, however. He hadn't told Nico he was trans.

“Hey, you alright?” Nico asked, snapping Will out of his mind. Will nodded a bit too quickly, and Nico’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Before the son of Hades could ask any more questions, Will grabbed his hand and briskly walked out of his cabin.

“Alright Neeks, let’s get to the infirmary, lots to do!” Will squeaked.

In his hurry, Will didn’t notice that Nico had intertwined their fingers, or the dark shade of red that Nico’s face had turned.

* * *

 The first few hours of the day were good. There weren’t many injuries since camp was winding down, so Will got a chance to sit and relax with Nico. Nico had become a regular at the infirmary, helping Will in any way he could, and making sure he didn’t overexert himself.

 _“Seriously Will?”_ He had said, _“you don’t get to tell me to not push it and then go thirty six hours without sleep. Get out, your siblings got it.”_

The way that Nico talked to him, and how he would actually let Will _touch_ him, left the son of Apollo giddy. Will noticed the subtle looks Nico gave him, and how whenever Will caught him staring, Nico would turn bright red and hastily find something to do. It gave Will hope that maybe, _maybe_ Nico liked him back.

_Would he still like you if he knew what you actually are?_

Will grit his teeth, trying to focus on Nico’s soft laughter.

_You’re a freak._

Will closed his eyes, clenching his fists and slowly exhaling. He could feel his abdomen cramping again, along with the blood slowly making its way out of him. He _hated_ this. He wasn’t a freak, he was a boy, and—

“Hello _Winifred.”_

Will stilled. No. No no no, whoever that was wasn’t talking to him. That—That _wasn’t_ his name.

Nico’s eyebrow raised at the pair of boys that had entered, not liking the look on their faces. Their smiles were too wide, and their eyes were malicious.

“Can we help you?” Nico asked, standing and crossing his arms over his chest.

“We’re not here for you di Angelo, we’re here for _her.”_ The one on the left said in disgust, and Will felt like he had been punched in the gut.

Nico looked at Will in confusion, and Will inhaled sharply.

“I don’t know how you found out what my deadname is, but I’d _really_ appreciate it if you got out.” He said quietly. The two boys at the door, however, only snickered and turned to Nico.

“I’d stay away from her. She’s just a freak that’s pretending to be something she isn’t.”

Nico scowled now, and the boys looked at each other.

“Get out.” Nico growled, and the two words sounded so threatening that they backed off.

“Watch yourself, Winifred!” One of them called, walking back towards their cabin. Will flinched.

Nico’s glare melted into a look of concern as he turned to Will, who was trying his best to not fall apart.

_Winifred._

_Winifred._

_Winifred._

“Will?” Nico’s voice snapped Will out of his mind, but the damage had been done. He was about to have a panic attack. Will’s breathing began coming out in short bursts, and Nico’s face looked lost for a second, before he pulled himself together.

“Will, I need you to breathe with me, okay? Can you do that?” He asked, and Will tried to nod, but he couldn’t. He was shaking and the room was too hot and everything was spinning and needed to _get away—_

Hands touched his face, and Will flinched involuntarily. Nico had put his hands on either side of him, effectively blocking everything out.

“C’mon, Will. Breathe. Inhale four seconds,” Will did, “hold seven seconds,” Will tried, but his breath stuttered.

“It’s okay, try again. Inhale four seconds, hold seven seconds,” Will managed this time, “exhale eight seconds. Good job, do it again.”

After what felt like hours (but had actually been about fifteen minutes), Will placed his hands over Nico’s. They had somehow ended up on the floor, but Will didn’t really care at this point.

“I’m okay.” He rasped, and Nico gave him a relieved smile.

“Good, I was about to panic too.” He replied, and Will snorted. Gods, he was tired.

“Sleep,” Nico said, helping Will to his feet and steering him towards a bed, “I’ll wake you up if anything serious happens.”

“But—”

“Sleep.” Nico put a hand on Will’s forehead, and he was out like a light.

* * *

  _Will blinked his eyes open, and sat up. The room was a light shade of pink, and there were little sun decals around the walls. After a second, it registered with Will where he was._

_“This is my old room…” He muttered, and looked around. In the middle of the room was a girl, no older than six, looking at herself in the mirror and wrinkling her nose._

_“Mama?” She called, and Naomi Solace walked in a second later, a kind smile on her face._

_“Yes Winny?” She asked, but didn’t notice the grimace on her child’s face._

_“I was wondering…could I cut my hair short?” Winny asked hesitantly. The look on mama’s face morphed into a glare, and the child flinched involuntarily._

_“I’ve told you a million times, Winifred. Short hair is for_ boys.” _Mama sneered, and Winifred nodded quickly._

_“Okay, I’m sorry mama.” She said quickly, and Naomi nodded._

_“Get ready for tonight, baby. Mama has a show.” With that, she was out the door, ignoring the tears in her child’s eyes._

_Will’s heart ached as he watched Winny tug at her hair, looking in the mirror as her bottom lip wobbled._

_The scene changed. It was a year later, and Will saw Winifred in the bathroom, looking at herself. She was crying, and a pair of scissors were in her hand._

_“I—I’m not a freak…” She muttered, her southern twang getting thicker as her emotions overwhelmed her, “I’m just—I…”_

_A choked scream escaped her, and the little girl suddenly took the scissors and hacked away at her waist length hair. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as the hair fell to the floor, and in her panic, Winifred ended up cutting her ear. She whimpered in pain, and didn’t even acknowledge her mama at the door, shouting at her to open it. Winifred knew she’d get in a lot of trouble for this. Mama cared about her image as a singer far too much to have an unruly daughter._

_The door finally opened, and Naomi Solace gasped._

_“Winifred Marie Solace, what did you do to your hair?” Mama’s voice was low and angry, and the little girl winced._

_She was in_ so much _trouble._

 _The scene shifted again, and Winifred—no,_ Will, _was nine. His hair was longer again, and mama was screaming at him._

_“Mama—” he tried, but she cut him off._

_“Your name is Winifred, not William. You are a_ girl, _Winifred Marie Solace, and you always will be! Do you understand me?” Mama shrieked, and Will flinched, but pressed on._

_“No, I’m not mama. My name is Will, and I’ve been a boy since I was—” he was silenced by a slap in the face, the blow so hard that Will fell._

_“Get out.” Naomi’s voice was quiet, but filled with anger, “You have fifteen minutes to get your things and get out. I have a daughter. I will_ never _have a son.”_

_Without arguing, Will ran to his room and grabbed a bag. He didn’t care, not anymore. He was probably going to die on the streets, but at this point, that didn’t matter. He just needed a way out._

_Then, the scene evaporated. Will watched himself running through the forest with a satyr, a hellhound chasing them._

_“Camp is up there!” The satyr shouted, and Will nodded. The hellhound suddenly grabbed the satyr by the leg, and he cried out in pain._

_“No!” Will shouted, and demigods began to run towards them. An arrow embedded itself in the hellhound’s side, and it soon exploded into dust. The satyr was dragged into the borders of camp, but he was losing too much blood. Will ran towards him, ignoring the protests of the other campers._

_“Don’t worry about it, kid.” He had said, and then his eyes rolled back into his head._

_Without thinking, Will placed his hands over the wound and closed his eyes. A warmth filled him and spread through his hands, and when he opened his eyes, he was surprised to see them glowing. When the glowing dimmed, the bite on the satyr’s leg was gone. The campers were looking at Will in awe, and light exploded above him. He looked up to see the symbol of a glowing lyre, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion._

_A centaur had stepped forward, smiling at Will kindly._

_“What is your name, young one?” He asked, and Will paused._

_“Wini—” he had started, but then paused._

_“Will. My name is Will Solace.” He said, the feeling of rightness burning in his chest._

_“Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, Will Solace.”_

_Will watched the scene melt away. He was now standing in the Aphrodite cabin, watching himself and Drew Tanaka sitting in front of a mirror. This had been when he was eleven._

_“So you’re sure this is how you want it?” Drew asked, looking at the picture in her hand._

_“Yep!” Will replied, smiling nervously, “is that okay?”_

_“Of course it is, sweetie.” Drew’s face was soft, a smile on her face as she picked up her scissors._

_While Drew cut Will’s long hair, they talked about home._

_“I’m never going back.” Will said vehemently, “mama said she’d never have a son, so she never will. I refuse to be something I’m not.”_

_Drew’s eyes were sad, but she smiled at Will._

_“Good. No matter what anyone says, sweetheart, you know who you are. Don’t let anyone take that from you.” The words brought tears to Will’s eyes. Everyone at camp had been so accepting of him, never questioning the fact he was a boy. It was so much better than Texas, where he had asked to be called Will by his friends, and they had all called him a freak._

_“Done!” Drew announced suddenly, and when Will looked in the mirror, a choked sound escaped him. He was smiling widely as Drew moved the mirror to show him every angle, and when he saw it all, he jumped out of his seat to hug her._

_“Thank you,” he whispered, “for helping me look like who I really am.”_

_Drew said nothing, opting to hug him tightly._

_A knock on the door made them jump, and there stood Lee Fletcher. The Will that was watching felt his throat tighten at the sight of his older brother who had been dead for years now._

_“You look great, Will.” He said, and Will beamed._

_“You think?” He asked excitedly, and Lee laughed and nodded._

_“Walk with me.” Lee said, and Will waved Drew goodbye. Will looked at Lee questioningly as they walked towards their cabin, but Lee merely smiled knowingly._

_“Me and our cabin got you a present.” Lee said with a wink, and Will’s eyes lit up._

_When Lee opened the doors of cabin seven, everyone was smiling and looking at them. Will’s eyebrows furrowed, and then Michael Yew handed him a box. Smiling in confusion, Will tore it open, revealing what looked like a crop top._

_“It’s a binder.” Michael said, crossing his arms and grinning, “you’re gonna start growing breasts soon, so this will help flatten them. Figured it would be a good—oof!”_

_Will had flung himself at his brother, tears trailing down his face as he laughed happily._

_“Thank you,” Will whispered, “thank you all.”_

_Will looked around at his siblings, his family, and decided right then that he didn’t need approval from anyone. He had a better family than his mother had ever been right here._

* * *

 Will groaned, rubbing his head and blinking against the light. He was back in the infirmary. The memories of what had happened came back suddenly, and Will’s stomach turned to ice. They had found out his deadname. How had they found out his—

“Good evening, sleeping beauty.” A voice called, snapping Will out of his mind. Nico stood there, leaning against the doorframe.

“How long was I out?” The son of Apollo asked, and Nico’s smile fell.

“A few hours. Kayla took over your shift.” Will’s face must of betrayed the panic that spiked through him, because Nico held up a hand and said, “she said it was fine. I told her what happened.”

Will ran his fingers through his hair, and gestured for Nico to sit.

“I guess you want to know what that was about.” He whispered. Nico sat down, grabbed Will’s hand absentmindedly, and gave him a stern look.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.” Nico said, and Will’s eyes shot up.

“I’m serious. I’m confused, but I won’t make you tell me anything you don’t want to.”

Will smiled at him slowly, and Nico’s face turned pink.

“No, I should tell you. You’re one of my best friends, you deserve to know.” Will took a deep breath, and said, “I’m—I’m transgender.”

Nico blinked, and then he looked at Will in confusion.

“I’m…not sure what that means, exactly. I’ve heard the word, but…” Nico trailed off, and Will nodded in understanding. He’d almost forgotten when and where Nico had grown up.

“Okay, so…when I was born, the assigned gender I got was female. I was assigned as a female because I actually have a vagina, not a penis.” Will said, searching Nico’s face for any signs of disgust. All Nico did, however, was nod slowly, so Will continued.

“Those guys somehow found out my deadname, which is the name I had before I picked Will. I don’t know how they found it out, but…it brings up bad memories of my mother. That’s why I panicked.”

Nico’s features hardened at the mention of the boys that had tormented Will.

“So they called you that to mess with you?” Nico asked, and Will gulped and nodded.

“I’ll be right back.” Nico muttered, and stalked out of the room. Will sat there, terrified that he had just ruined everything.

Kayla poked her head in seconds later, and then she and Austin rushed in.

“Will, are you okay?” Austin asked as both he and Kayla hugged him tightly, “we heard—”

“I think I’m fine. Nico kinda just ran out when I told him, though.” Will bit his lip, and Kayla looked at Will, eyes blazing.

“If he’s angry about something as stupid as what gender you identify as, he isn’t worth your time.” She said fiercely, and Will nodded shakily.

“I know.”

Austin and Kayla kept Will company, sitting on the bed next to him. They joked and laughed, keeping Will’s mind away from what had happened that afternoon. Fifteen minutes later, however, there was a bang from the front of the infirmary. The doors flew open to reveal the boys from earlier, both looking terrified as Nico stalked in after them.

“Well?” Nico barked, and in that moment, Will somewhat understood why the small son of Hades was known as the Ghost King.

“We—We’re sorry, Will!” One squeaked, and the other nodded enthusiastically, “we’ll never do that again, we promise!”

Kayla and Austin were still frozen in shock, but Will nodded, his eyes cold.

“Good.” The son of Apollo replied, and then, Nico was shoving them out of the door.

“Pull that again and I won’t be as nice as I was this time.” Nico called after them, causing the boys to speed up.

Kayla and Austin looked at Nico in awe. Kayla was first to get up, throwing her arms around Nico and laughing lightly at the way he stiffened. Austin smiled at him widely, ruffling Nico’s hair.

“Thank you so much for looking out for our brother.” She whispered, and Nico couldn’t help the smile on his face as he nodded.

Austin turned to Will with a smirk, and said, “you can keep this one.”

Will turned bright red.

Austin then looked at Nico, his brown eyes turning cold.

“Thank you for that. Hurt Will and I’ll kick your ass.” He said, and then Nico snorted.

“You don’t need to warn me, I would never do that.” He replied coolly, although his face had turned the color of Will’s.

Austin and Kayla then showed themselves out. Nico turned to Will, walking towards the bed and making Will scoot over. Nico sat himself right next to the son of Apollo, pressing against his side.

“I’m not good at this,” Nico admitted, “and I might say the wrong thing. This wasn’t something I was taught as a kid, but I just want you to know that I don’t care. You’re Will, and that means that I’ll always be here to help. You know that, right?”

Will’s eyes were misty as he took Nico’s hand, but he smiled at him widely all the same.

“Yeah. I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: ace-ameriko


End file.
